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Don Rickles and I are best friends. I know that might seem strange to those who know Don only by reputation, but somebody has to be his friend. Just to make sure I don't forget, Don gave me a doormat that sits just outside the front door of my house. It reads: 'The Newharts: The Rickleses Best Friends.'
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People call me feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
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They are so filthy and bestial that no honest man would admit one into his house for a water-closet doormat.
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