Quotes 41 till 60 of 112.
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I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said "no."
Source: Standup Comic (1999) -
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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I've had smarter people around me all my life, but I haven't run into one yet that can outwork me. And if they can't outwork you, then smarts aren't going to do them much good. That's just the way it is. And if you believe that and live by it, you'd be surprised at how much fun you can have.
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
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In my family, the biggest sin was to buy retail.
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