Quotes by Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall

American comedian and actor

Lived from: 1957 -

Category: Comedians | Movie

Born: 27 july 1957

Quotes 21 till 33 of 33.

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  • People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • The one thing people like about my show is it's universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, 'Something like that happened to me.'
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.
    Now Thats Awesome
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • There's a lot of things I believe in this world. I believe in God, I believe in the United States of America, and I support and believe in the Second Amendment.
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • There's a reason God didn't give me this success in my 20s, because I'd have blown it.
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love pizza, but instead of eating half, I eat a slice.
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
    A Decade of Laughs
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • When 'Blue Collar TV' was on the 'WB,' we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn't know what to do with us. They had 'Reba,' which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn't want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers.
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • When I drove up on the set one day, and they'd put up a sign that says 'The Bill Engvall Show,' I stood there for 20 minutes just staring at it. The director, James Widdoes, came up and said, 'What are you doing?' And I said, 'Look at this! There's my name on a stage door in Hollywood!'
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • Who applies for that job? Who says I want to work in lost luggage? You don't have a good day. That's like having a job emptying port-a-potties. You're just going to catch crap all day long.
    Blue Collar Comedy Tour
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, Hey... (pantomimes hitting his son) We don't hit. He looked at me like, Here's your sign, Dad.
    Heres Your Sign
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".
    Heres Your Sign Live!
    ― Bill Engvall
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  • You know as well as I do that the family sitcom was the stalwart of TV for God knows how many decades.
    ― Bill Engvall
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All Bill Engvall famous quotes and sayings you will always find on greatest-quotations.com (page 2)

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