Quotes by Calvin Trillin

Calvin Trillin

American journalist, humorist, food writer and poet

Lived from: 1935 -

Category: Comedians | Media | Writers (Contemporary) | Poets (Contemporary)

Born: 5 december 1935

Quotes 1 till 20 of 25.

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  • The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yoghurt.
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  • A t American weddings, the quality of the food is in inverse proportion to the social position of the bride and groom.
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  • Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.
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  • As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.
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  • Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.
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  • If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.
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  • In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.
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  • It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club.
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  • Marriage is not merely sharing the fettuccine, but sharing the burden of finding the fettuccine restaurant in the first place.
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  • Marriage is part of a sort of 50's revival package that's back in vogue along with neckties and naked ambition.
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  • Money not spent on a luxury one considered even briefly is the equivalent of windfall income and should be spent accordingly.
    Source: Alices Law of Compensatory Cash Flow in Alice, Lets Eat (1978)
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  • One advantage of a monarchy is that a monarchy does not suffer the effects of having great clots of white Christians moping around simply because they aren't the king or queen.
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  • People, not just reporters, are more interested in politics than in government, so the actual issues wouldn't be something that interested them.
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  • The average trade book has a shelf life of between milk and yogurt, except for books by any member of the Irving Wallace family - they have preservatives.
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  • The ceiling on taxation of capital gains reflects the national belief that speculation is a more worthwhile way to make a living than work.
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  • The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.
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  • The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
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  • The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?
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  • The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.
    ― Calvin Trillin
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  • We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.
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