Quotes by Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

American stand-up comedian, actress, writer and producer

Lived from: 1933 - 2014

Category: Movie Country: United States

Born: 8 june 1933 Died: 4 september 2014

Quotes 1 till 11 of 11.

• Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
  

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
  

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
  

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
  

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0
• There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

  ― Joan Rivers
  - +

   0

Subjects in these quotes:

• comediennes
• unhappiness
• television
• succeeded
• audiences
• happiness

Similar authors

• Bob Newhart
  American stand-up comedian and actor 51
• Bill Hicks
  American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist and musician 46
• Steven Wright
  American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer 20
• Bill Burr
  American stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster 18
• Bryan Callen
  American stand-up comedian, actor, writer 16
• Bob Saget
  American stand-up comedian, actor, television host and director 15
• George Carlin
  American stand-up comedian, actor and author 10
• Robin Williams
  American stand-up comedian and actor 9

Greatest-Quotations.com

Already since 2003 providing you with the best quotations

What are the most famous quotes from Joan Rivers?

When did Joan Rivers live?