Quotes by Steven Wright

Steven Wright

Steven Wright

American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer

Lived from: 1955 -

Category: Comedians | Movie | Media | Writers (Contemporary) Country: FlagUnited States

Born: 6 december 1955

Quotes 1 till 20 of 20.

  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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  • Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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  • Black holes are where God divided by zero.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
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  • I have an existential map; it has you are here written all over it.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
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  • I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
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  • If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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  • If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
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  • If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
    ― Steven Wright
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  • Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.
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  • My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
    ― Steven Wright
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  • There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
    ― Steven Wright
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  • You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
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All Steven Wright famous quotes and sayings you will always find on greatest-quotations.com

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Questions and Answers

What are the most famous quotes from Steven Wright?

The two most famous quotes from Steven Wright are:

  • "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
    "
  • "Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
    "

When did Steven Wright live?

Steven Wright was born in 1955.